Keeping spark alive in a relationship and marriage is an an ongoing effort and the success is never guaranteed. Saving ones marriage and/or relationship can, at times, mean bending over backwards and letting go of ones ego BUT then that’s a call one has to take if that is what is needed to save the marriage.
I always feel, this ‘Save the Marriage’ time comes only after a lot of red flags have been up, for a while. My suggestion to people is to be invested in the relationship/marriage right from the very onset. I have jotted down a few tips, which one should be conscious of, for the relationship to work.
Divorces are necessary, they do happen BUT being mindful of how to keep the spark alive can keep the marriage going and can also help repair certain marriages.
BTW, I have conveniently swapped the word marriage with relationship. Read on my basic tips and suggestions. Needless to say, do consult an expert, you trust, for a third person perspective…
1/14. Stop nagging, complaining and criticising
Talk, discuss and address when the partner truly annoys you, hurts your feelings or repeats the same things over and over. Ignore the small, unimportant, things said when the partner is feeling low. Nagging kills a relationship fast. Avoid it, whatever it takes…
2/14. Stop too much of technology time
The genetic changes are slower than technological changes. Humans are meant to communicate using language, expressions and tactile expression. Too much of technology can hamper a relationship. Some time, if possible, spend with the partner can be more effective than the whole day of messaging on the phone.
3/14. Stop using negative language
One should not play the game of one-upmanship or use the partner as a punching bag. Sarcasm and name calling is a slippery slope. Avoid it…
4/14. Change a habit that inhibits the relationship
A relationship is about accepting and adjusting, make sure you follow it through. Change or Dilute a habit or a pattern, that your partner finds truly annoying. Being flexible and changing a bit is NOT a personality shift, so do not panic. Talk amongst yourself or consult an expert if this leads to a core personality shift.
5/14. Stop making fun of marriage or relationship
Discuss in case you need any clarification or you do not have much experience of relationships. It is not funny to make fun or joke about marriage, neither yours nor anybody else’s. It creates bitterness and it can destroy any marriage or relationship.
6/14. A morning hug is magical
Every new morning can be a blessing. Appreciate your partner, ask how he/she feels. Profess your love, embrace them. Spend some time together, when the schedule synergise else use technology. Just make your partner feel special.
Morning time is the time when we are the rawest, hair all over, no makeup/a stubble, crumpled clothes and not too inviting breath. Experts agree this is a sure way to make any relationship become deeper.
7/14. Respect your partner’s inner conflicts
Validate your partner’s point of view. Being a good listener can help the partner release any stuck emotion or inner conflict. Maybe, your partner is just venting. Stop offering solutions every time. Experts feel when partners understand other’s perspective, their bond becomes better.
8/14. It is the small things that matter
The smaller mundane things, unfortunately, tend to fly under the radar and over time can lead to misunderstanding and ultimately separation. Show interest in the everyday ordinary little things, this is where a relationship can blossom.
9/14. Imagine life without your partner
Gain perspective. There will be times when you may feel the relationship/marriage is over, move away from these thoughts and gain perspective. Imagine your life without your partner, picture life when he/she is not alive, anymore.
Imagine the situations where you want to work on the issues but the partner is dead.
10/14. Don’t lose your Identity
“You complete me” looks good only in a movie. Don’t over depend on your partner to complete you. They, at best, can compliment you. Make sure you have your own interests, friends and bank account.
Problems start getting compounded when one partner just sits back and keeps on waiting for the other partner.
11/14. Do things together. Have fun together
Yes! It is imperative to maintain a self identity but it is also important to do things together, build memories of things together. Too much of being on ones own journey can make partners drift apart whereas togetherness can make partners understand each other, evolve and help strengthen the bond.
12/14. Stay attracted to your partner
Always remember why you got attracted to your partner. Yes! The body attraction can wane as one gains years but other reasons can become more pronounced.
Being attracted to the partner is a choice, It strengthens a sense of connection one has with the partner.
13/14. Laugh with each other
I firmly believe you know you have a partner for keeps if you can be like a joker in front of the partner; totally unadulterated.
Humour and fun adds lightness to even a serious issue. Of course, there is nothing more annoying than a partner who thinks everything is a joke. Balance is the key. As they also say, it is easier to put your point of view across if there is ease in any discussion.
Life can be stressful and a bit of comedy together, a little bit of laughter can increase the bond amongst partners.
14/14. Expect and Accept organic change
Grow and Adapt. In a successful marriage, each partner supports the other so that they can grow to become the best person they can be, and that means maturing as individuals and together as a team.