People I have spoken to claim they make a conscious everyday effort to make their marriages work YET some of them have not been able to save their marriages. This article ‘signs a marriage can not be saved’ is my basic understanding of the reasons why some of the marriages can not be saved. Read on…
1/17. You fantasise your life without your spouse — a lot!
You look back at freedom single life offered, with nostalgia, and in fact If you have been going back to your single way of life more often than not, it may either be a signal of midlife crisis or a deep rooted problem in your marriage.
2/17. You feel lonely in your relationship
It may sound like an oxymoron but a large percentage of married couples feel a sense on loneliness inspite of being in a relationships. Loneliness is a sense of feeling disconnected, isolated, and disengaged from others and if the feeling persists, the marriage can get over faster than you realise.
Intimacy issues, lack of compatibility, being apart for a long duration, certain health & emotional issues and/or facing any kind of abuse can trigger a sense of loneliness and if not addressed, can lead to marriage/relationship breaking down.
3/17. You are not motivated to change
Everything evolves, everything changes. Change brings growth, change is the only constant and that holds true for relationships/marriage too. Everyone is conscious of this reality yet there comes a time when people stop motivated enough for accepting change. It this persists, it is an indication of stagnation, an important step that the marriage may have done its run.
4/17. You’re not invested in the relationship
Marriage requires adjustment and adjustments needs 100% energy investment, at all levels. Bit if if either of the partner is not too keen, the marriage can get over fast.
5/17. You believe you married the wrong person
Sometimes, one realises much later that there is an inherent life comprehension gap between two people, and when the gap can not be bridged, inspite of all the effort and intervention, it is better to terminate the misery.
6/17. Partners can not accept the mundane routine
Every marriage has to go beyond the initial buzz to a normal day to day living and it is here the relationship bond gets cemented and starts evolving. BUT if one has to keep on doing new things on an ongoing basis, it is a sign the marriage may fizzle out fast, sooner that later.
7/17. Children are the reason for the marriage
Yes! Children help cement marital bonds as nothing else does. Having said that, there is no point in sticking onto a marriage that is over, otherwise. Children can understand the parents dilemma, if explained correctly. No child want to get caught between the crossfire, disconnected marriages are not healthy for the children involved. Life is better when the parents are separate but happy rather than when they married and miserable.
8/17. When Self-nature gets tossed aside
Keep an eye open to what you are and what you are turning into. With a dominating partner, who constantly tells you constantly to do what to do and what not to do, marriage is not easy. A dominating partner can force the other partner to loose self identity, knowingly or unknowingly. Always remember, there is no point to become an extension to someone else; to loose your self nature. Seek guidance, on ways to find a balance else terminate the marriage. Always remember, you are nothing if you are left with nothing.
9/17. Difficulty in apologising or forgiving
Mistakes do happen, but some people find it difficult to apologise while some others find it difficult to accept apologies. In fact, there are times one has to bend over backwards to find a workable solution, if there is a problem in the marriage. But when the EGO bigger than the issue, all it does is to push the marriage to a point of no return.
10/17. Physical abuse is a big reason
Unfortunately, Physical abuse is a big reason for marriage to fall part. What is more saddening is there are partners who try to a hide this fact and soldier on, where actually they shouldn’t.
Abuse is an absolutely valid reason to move one, but unfortunately, there is a whole lot of shame attached to this aspect, due to societal and cultural conditioning.
11/17. Infidelity/affair breaks a marriage
Infidelity/Affairs is one of the biggest reason for a marriage breaking apart. Unfortunately, data points towards it being on an upswing. One gets a strong feeling of being violated, when a partner finds out about the other having cheated and it can be a death knell for the marriage.
I may have different views but data shows people have been able to go beyond infidelity setbacks with counselling and course correction.
12/17. Marriage demands compromise
The key to a good marriage is to be able to understand the need to back down from an argument. Meeting the partner midway helps to arrive at a compromise. Being rigid in the moment can result in an ego flareup and that is detrimental for the marriage. Yes! One can go back to reason it out once the dust has settled down.
13/17. Substance abuse can wreak a marriage
I read a USA data that around 35% of the marriage breakdown is triggered by substance abuse by the partner. The only way of dealing with this menace is rehab and intense counselling, without which, relationship breakdown is guaranteed.
14/17. You end up arguing always/You don’t fight anymore
Fighting and venting at a partner is a reality, whether there is an argument or none. Experts call it a way to release pent up emotions.
But if you constantly find yourself in a fight or an argument with your partner or you become a pretend zen, there is something not ok with the relationship equation.
15/17. Progress Is One-Sided
A marriage is designed to be doomed if a partner calls all the shots, none of your needs are headed to, he/she refuses to work on anything or take responsibility for creating a joint life. One partner can pull a relationship for up to a point, beyond which, the equation can become lopsided and too one-sided.
16/17. Partner is manipulative
Every marriage/relationship has its share of push and pull; its share of manipulations. But some people can be master manipulators, you might not even realise you are being manipulated, being turned into a puppet.
A marriage will go through a quick degeneration when the manipulated partner realises the trickery.
17/17. Overcompensating on social media
Too much of displaying ones personal life on social media is a reason and indication of things not going well in a marriage. Also, an addiction to social media can lead to spouse becoming suspicious, distant, jealous, disconnected and can turn minor issues into major problems that may end the marriage for good.